I received feedback from an editor (I paid him), who is a published author with a "shelf full of books." And the verdict is: a saleable novel. (Wheeeeee!)
I asked for what would be necessary to take the story to its next level. And the gentleman provided me with basically, these suggestions:
Give the protagonist more attitude. so the reader can know what she's thinking and feeling
Also for the antagonist, (though in the 17 chapters I sent in, the REAL bad guy is not yet clear)
More description of the characters, then include periodically as markers along the way
At the beginning of each scene, give the reader more of a clue, where is the action and what's going on
Can do this, with more description -- include random but specific details (but not too much)
Use more of the senses (but not too much)
In a scene: first three paragraphs, establish the setting
then the meat of the scene, with minimal frills, except more experience through the senses
Dialogue: give the reader some anchor, especially in a long dialogue, by a note of how the speakers are interacting or reacting -- other than what they're saying.
IE: Run hand through the hair
caress the stone column
gaze out over the ocean
I've been working like that irritating bunny in my garden, integrating all this. And no doubt, it makes the story come alive. Someday, I'll get to that bunny.
Still have a ridiculously close publishing date (to self-publish). But this is an "auspicious time." So, it's worth it to push.
By Laure Edwards Reminick
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